How To Save a Life
by Supsi85
Summary: After making a terrible mistake Bree will do everything in her power to make things right again. But at what cost? Set in the first half of season 6.
1. Between the Lines of Fear and Blame

_I wrote this at the end of last year, it was a very sad time in my life, and I kinda abandoned this story when all 5 chapters were nearly done. But I've been reading Bree fics all spring, never really read them before even though I've been following the show from the beginning, and she's my all-time favorite TV character. And I noticed there are not enough stories out there;) So I figured I might as well edit and post this. No point in keeping it stored on my computer anyway. I got the idea for this from a Korean TV drama called 49 Days and decided to do a similar thing here. Let me know if there's a direction you'd like me to go, I'm not very confident in my writing and I'm not even a native so feel free to tell me if something is terribly wrong:D_

It's strange how one can spend hours in that sweet toxic state of mind and yet it can all fade away in a fraction of a second - as if your mind is asleep and only a shock truly devastating is able to spring it back into action. Bree felt she had shifted through two very different and equally depressing worlds as she clutched at the wheel her eyes fixed on the dark shape laying at the side of the road. She had no question of who it was, somehow she knew all too well. Her hands were shaking vigorously as she grabbed her phone to dial 911 and gave all the necessary information to the person at the other end of the line. Minutes later she would fail to remember a single thing she had said during that phone conversation but it was not a time to come up with alibies or explanations. Had there been someone else in her place, someone she loved, and had she simply been a bystander things would have been very different. She would have quickly found a way out it for both of them but this however, was all her fault. There was nothing she could do but to wait for justice to run its course and then she would finally pay for everything she had done, such a sweet relief.

Still motionless at the driver's seat she watched the emergency personnel arrive and then the police came as well. They made her step out of the car and from the corner of her eye she could see the paramedics move Orson's lifeless body on to the stretcher and into the ambulance.

"He is not dead yet." The thought entered her mind and she could barely hear the police as they were questioning her, or attempting to do so. She had been so sure it was the end. Did this mean she had another chance? As long as Orson was living and breathing it meant her life would go on, God had given her yet another chance to make it right. There had to be a reason for all this, there just had to be. Bree couldn't help but smile a little at her sudden enlightenment.

"Yes, it's all very funny. Do you have any idea of what you are facing here, madam?"

Bree snapped out of it and reality started to dawn on her. In a desperate attempt to gain some kind of control over the situation she chose to momentarily let go of all her fears and act calm.

"I am perfectly aware of everything that has happened and I am willing to co-operate with you officer. So please, do whatever you want." She didn't know why she couldn't help but smirk a bit. Maybe all that wine was finally taking its toll on her sanity.

"Can you tell us your name, please?"

"Oh you know me, Bree Hodge, the delightful town drunk."

"We would know who you were had you given us the license and registration we asked for several times." The policeman seemed tired and annoyed. He had probably been hoping for an easy shift. "Do you have them with you?"

"I do, just a second."

Bree handed out the license from her purse and quickly got the registration document from her neatly organized glove compartment that still had a faint vanilla scent from the last time she had cleaned it. She inhaled the sweetness of it hoping some of it would stay with her where she was going. And then she was quickly brought back to reality.

"Mrs. Hodge, we will need you to blow into this now."

Bree looked at the breathalyzer in disgust but knew better than to start an argument over whether the equipment was truly sanitary. She gave them the result they had been expecting and was arrested on the spot. This was the point where all her efforts to distance herself from the situation started to disintegrate into an uncontrollable mess. The dark thoughts of guilt and self-hatred haunted her all the way to the station. As she was sitting there Orson's face kept appearing before her, he was in everyone who passed her by but worst of all was when she tried to close her eyes and all she could see was him staring back at her saying every horrible thing he had ever said about her in the heat of an argument. Was her mind incapable of forgetting? There was no escaping but she would push it back as long as she could. The wall she had spent such a long time building was thicker than anyone would know but even that barrier was not strong enough to hold everything back. The shaking just wouldn't stop and she wondered if she was going to have a heart attack there and then or at the very least faint before see would even see the inside of a cell. Nevermind if it was all part of a greater plan. How was she ever going to make up for this? And how was Orson? She desperately needed more information but her phone had been taken from her and whatever phone call she would be allowed to make would be to Andrew for him to help bail her out. He had already seen Bree at her worst and therefore one further humiliation hardly even counted. At this stage she would have given anything for a drink, or two. Her mind couldn't handle it all and she wanted release badly from both, the cell she was being walked to and her restless mind.

It had been a very quiet evening in Fairview, as always. Bree had finally been allowed to call Andrew and after carefully explaining to him how to cosign the bond, even though the process wasn't at all unfamiliar to either party, all she could do was to sit and wait for what seemed like forever. She was all too aware of her own presence and how each detail was starting to fall apart. First it was the loose strands of hair that would fall on her face from the otherwise perfect bun she had so effortlessly thrown together earlier that day. Then there was the wrinkle that would appear on her red knee-high skirt over and over again, no matter how many times she would try to straighten it. If only she had something to fix all that, just to have her appearance intact would make all the difference. Bree sighed, got up and started pacing around the cell impatiently, thankful for the officer being too busy with paperwork to give her any of his knowing looks. Sometimes she wondered if despite all her best efforts to hide every gruesome detail of her life people still knew more about her than any other Fairview resident. Before she realized it her thoughts had taken a dangerous turn and she was close to having Orson fill her mind again. No, she would fight back as long as she could because there was nothing she could do to fix things while she was stuck in jail.

The bail was eventually posted and Bree was free to go. She called a cab and left for the hospital the earlier interrogation weighing heavily on her mind. What had she said? She was positive she hadn't lied. But maybe she should have? And what exactly did the police ask her? She was thankful for the rather quick drive and as she got out of the cab after paying and tipping the driver she felt weak at the knees. Every step towards the hospital took all her strength and the shaky feeling had returned too. She had never had a panic attack before but she was now slowly forgetting how to breathe and wondered if this was what it was like. It had to be stopped and so by slowly inhaling and steadying herself Bree finally managed to take those final steps, heavy as they were. Once inside she calmly explained the situation to a nurse and felt as if she was watching someone else do it all. Even after all those times she had been at that hospital to visit a loved one it still didn't get any easier. She had always felt that sting of guilt as if she had sent the person in question there. Rex had a heart attack after they fought, Karl died and Orson got into a wheelchair after they fought over her, Lynette got shot after she had provoked the crazy lady, Susan got trampled on after Bree had caused the riot…She figured it might be best to stop there. The only thing that ever enhanced was the control she had over her own behavior. She would know where to find information, when and how to comfort everyone and find the appropriate time to bring their belongings and small gifts to show her concern. This time however she doubted anyone would want to see her there and therefore was glad the word had not spread around yet. The room was empty apart from Orson who was laying at the back hooked on a ventilator. Everything was exactly as Bree felt her life had become: dark, empty and seemingly close to an end. She re-gained her posture and quickly took light steps towards the bed. Then she carefully took the medical records in her hand and examined it. She wanted to know as much as possible before she would talk to the doctor. Most of it she didn't understand but what she did see almost immediately was the words "vegetative state" and "unlikely to ever regain awareness". Bree gasped as she stared at the chart, then at Orson and then back at the chart again. If her heart had been racing before it was now close to punching its way through her chest. She had desperately needed something to hold on to but there was nothing, nothing but emptiness ahead. How had it come to this? She had tried so hard to live her life in the most appropriate way but all she had got in return were men dying on her. And had they not died by themselves she sure had found a way to make it happen. Everyone else would go on living but everything she touched would eventually turn into a tragedy. She wanted to cry but no tears came out, it was as if her body would sooner explode than to shed a few tears.

"Where did I go wrong, Orson?" Bree whispered quietly as she sat on the chair by the bed holding his hand. "How could I let this happen? I was so angry at you but your faults will never measure up to mine. All you ever wanted was love from me and I became the end of you." Her eyes welled up but the pressure was as unbearable as ever. She clutched onto his hand harder hoping it would send a shock through his body and miraculously awaken him. "Please Orson, if I could go back I would do everything differently. I would never have gone behind the wheel in such a state. I know you would have stopped me even if I'd tried, if you'd only been there. I always loved you and I still do." Bree buried her head in her hands and sobbed quietly feeling the last remains of her energy slowly drain out.

"You still can."

And just as had happened after the crash the worlds seemed to shift around Bree. She was sure she had heard the words being spoken and there was something familiar about the voice. Too scared to speak she started to scan the room with her eyes and in the end they fixed on a spot on the other side of Orson's bed. She squinted her eyes and made out a figure. Yes, she definitely knew this person.

"Mother?" She exhaled shocked.

"You could say so, although I am not really here." The young woman spoke the tone of her voice sad.

"You came back for me?" Bree didn't know how it was possible but right now she was ready to believe in anything.

"I didn't. I am only here to give you one last chance to make it right."

"You mean about Orson?"

"Yes, in a way. You will go back to re-visit three determining moments of your life that were witnessed by an outsider and by taking the form of that person you will make yourself choose forgiveness over anger, you will learn to let people in and you will learn to let go when it's time. If you succeed in all those, this accident might never happen. I am saying _might_ because the human mind sometimes works in an unexpected way that makes it impossible to control the future."

Bree nodded over and over again taking it all in and never once questioned the existence of her dead mother in the room. She had always known someone was watching over her and heard her when she felt alone. There wasn't a doubt in her mind and she didn't even try to touch the woman for she knew there was nothing but spirit left but in her opinion the human soul was everything there was to a human anyway.

"So, shall we go? We don't have much time to re-visit these moments. The more time we spend the weaker Orson grows."

With one last longing look at Orson Bree took a step forward. "I will do my very best."

"I know you will." Her mother sighed. "It's the Bree from the past we'll have to worry about."


	2. Somewhere Along In the Bitterness

_I can't remember if Bree's mother's name was mentioned somewhere before so I'm just going to call her "Mary". Let me know if I'm wrong there. And thank you so much for the reviews, they mean a lot_!

"So…where are we going?" Bree asked as she took her mother's hands, and shivered slightly as she realized she couldn't feel them.

Mary leaned forward and looked Bree directly in the eyes. "Do you remember the first time you tried to kill someone?"

Bree's eyes widened but she kept her tone down and hissed. "I have never tried to kill someone."

"Sure you have. I think we are getting down to the root of the problem now."

"Are you seriously implying that I have committed a crime like that? I mean, there's no saying I wouldn't if the situation called for it but I've yet to be faced with such a decision. Wait you are talking about Rex, aren't you? You too think I killed him?"

"Hold it, I never said you killed him. Now let's go 10 years back in time, shall we?"

Bree glared at Mary as her surroundings blurred and suddenly she found herself standing at a horribly decorated restaurant, one that seemed to cater for families with small children who had neither patience nor a lot of money. Time was standing still and everything seemed frozen. Mary gestured towards one of the waitresses, a pretty brunette girl in her 20's.

"When I snap my fingers this place will come alive once again and you will emerge over there as that waitress."

"And may I ask why her?"

"It can't be anyone you know too well. You wouldn't want the past you to realize something strange is going on now would you?"

"I suppose so. It might be for the best. But what will I do? And what exactly was my task here?"

"You really don't know? This is where you tried to poison Rex."

"I did not! Oh well, I did but I didn't mean to. I got distracted while I was talking to that awful Martha Huber and that's why I accidently put onions on Rex's plate."

"Since when do you get distracted?"

Bree thought about it for a moment. "He had just told me he wanted divorce and I wasn't exactly in my right mind." Then she shook her head. "I know how that sounds but I really didn't mean to poison Rex."

"That's good then. If you didn't mean to do it then it should be easy to fix. And remember, you can't tell anyone who you are or things will end badly. You have 5 minutes."

"But what…?"

Bree didn't have time to finish before everything sprang into action and she found herself filling the salad bowl.

"At least my mother knew which task I would be most comfortable with." Bree thought to herself with an unexpected lightness of mind, but her smile soon faded when she noticed how half-heartedly the whole buffet table had been set. With a few swift movements she fixed the position of every bowl she could reach and swiped the part of the table clean.

"Right, must focus on the task now."

Bree saw her younger self approaching the buffet and was slightly taken aback. How hallow she looked, there was no life in her eyes. Was that all due to the shock of Rex's announcement or did she really live like that every day back then? The past Bree started to fill the plate mechanically and Martha Huber quickly approached her as if on a mission to get the latest bit of gossip. Looking at her now Bree realized she might have known more than she led on, maybe she had even heard her discussion with Rex. Looking over at the table further away she saw Rex staring into distance and his expression was almost as blank as past-Bree's. There had been a time when they were both so happy. Back then she always felt they could talk to each other about anything, and yet it had ended like that. All their conversations had dwindled into matter-of-fact statements, the air around them set to explode the moment words with actual depth were spoken.

Martha Huber tapped past-Bree cheerfully on the shoulder. It was time but what was she supposed to do? She had not thought about this at all and all she had done was waste precious time focusing on matters of less importance, such as cleaning the table. Wait, that was it!

"Excuse me, are there enough onions there?" Bree interrupted her old self who turned to look at her. Bree could barely see any change in her expression.

"Oh thank you but everything is fine." The past-Bree said as if the voice track had been conveniently programmed into her for future use. She then put a few onions on the plate hardly even looking at what she was doing and turned back to continue her pointless small talk with Martha.

All Bree could do was to stand back frozen.

"She did it anyway…I would have done it anyway?"

She tried her hardest to figure out what made her act the way she had. There had to be a logical explanation to it all. Did past-Bree happen to miss the onions, again, or maybe she just wasn't listening to the waitress? After all, she didn't even know her. But Bree had always been well aware of everything that happened around her, always eager to make a good impression no matter how beaten down she felt. She followed past-Bree back to their table nervously tapping the water can she was carrying with her. When she noticed they already had one she quickly put the can on the first table she passed by.

She couldn't bring up the onions again. They might realize she knew about Rex's allergy and how would she explain that? She stood back while the past-Bree sat down and then offered to fill their water glasses. Taking longer than was really necessary to pour the water she examined the couple. Neither one was speaking but both were probably glad for the interruption. Her old self had got hold of a loaf of bread and with a steady hand was directing all her inner aggression on getting the thing sliced. Rex looked down at the plate. How would she stop him from eating it? Maybe she could knock down one the glasses?

Before she could carry out her hasty plan everything went dark and she found herself back in the hospital room with her mother.

"Oh no no no no! I failed miserably!" The words burst out with great strength, and yet they were barely audible. Bree sunk to the floor. "Was that it? Now Orson will never come back because I couldn't stop myself from poisoning my first husband?"

Mary looked at her daughter compassionately. "We won't know until you've finished every task. They all play up in the end."

Bree looked into emptiness as if hoping the consequences resulting from her failure would not be as severe if her words weren't directed at anything in particular. Her hands crossed and her voice shivering she continued. "But what if I make it worse?"

"How could you possibly make it worse than it already is?"

Bree shook her head. "I still have people in my life who care for me, who respect me. What if I lose all that too? I'm sure it's a possibility and then I'll have absolutely nothing. I can't live my life knowing I destroyed every aspect of it even after being given a second chance. I just can't."

"Do you think I came here to ruin your life, Bree? No, I know there is still a chance for you. Now tell me, what did you learn from this first task?"

"I learned that I can't be trusted, that deep down I am a horrible person."

Mary ignored Bree's self-pity and motioned for her to stand up. "I think what matters most is the reason behind everything you did. Why do you think you tried to kill Rex? And in that silent way?"

Bree got up and brushed her skirt, although it was already a lost case. "Well it seems we've established the fact that I tried to kill Rex, which has been interesting in a number of ways. Now let me think…"

"And keep in mind the following, what happened at the restaurant is also the reason why Rex thought you killed him in the end."

"No…"

"It was. But why didn't you just tell him you were hurt when he asked for divorce? Why go to such extreme measures?"

"Words can never hurt enough. I could have told him but he never would have understood. The man didn't even believe I loved him! How could I possibly have made him understand the extent of his betrayal, and the suffering he made me go through? After everything I had done for him? After I gave him all of me?"

"So you thought it would be best if he died knowing you murdered him?"

"Not exactly. I just wanted him to understand, that's all I ever asked for. As for the whole murder part, it was subconscious I guess."

"Now we are getting somewhere!"

"No we aren't. The fact remains, I tried to kill Rex and the past is what it is. I didn't change a thing."

"I already told you, you can't know yet. Now, in order to figure out where all this started we will have to go further back in time. And remember, I already know everything but it is up to you to find the answers. It's the only way it will work."

Bree felt her frustration grow and had a feeling it wasn't going to be a pleasant journey if every memory revealed as much as the first one.

"Where are we going next?"

"Back to that day you saw me for the last time."


	3. After All You Do Know Best

"Remember this place?"

Bree wasn't sure if her mother was serious but she felt hurt nevertheless. "Did you think I forgot?"

"What I mean is, do you remember this place before the accident? The happy times, the neighbors, the peacefulness?" Mary looked blissfully over the street at the beautiful suburban scenery in Rhode Island.

"Yes, it's exactly like Wisteria Lane." Bree shivered as she recalled the various reasons for the unfortunate resemblance. There were Christmas decorations in every home, some were modest, some more extravagant. She wondered if the same personalities existed there too, if every house was a home to some broken soul striving to get by in spite of their husbands leaving or their mental state collapsing. She was suddenly frightened.

"I won't have to hear it again, will I?"

"You will. It's the only way it will work."

"I'm already getting tired of that phrase." Bree had a vacant look on her face as she wondered again if it would all be worth it. She could feel her stomach turn as a reminder of how serious her sins had been and in a way it comforted her. She must be on the right road then. If there ever was an evening she wanted to re-live this one would have been her last choice. It was Christmas Eve and their house had been filled with relatives. Her mother had made a wonderful dinner and the tree had been decorated. Everyone had been happy up until that evening and even after the tragedy Bree still refused to see the sad side to the holiday season. She had decided she would never let anyone ruin Christmas for her and it had taken a lot of effort but in the end she succeeded. She rarely associated the time of the year with her mother's death anymore. To have those memories flooding back so unexpectedly made her question if she had ever really got over the unfairness of it all.

Bree shook her head. "I really don't see what this has got to do with Rex."

Mary gave her a look that was a mixture understanding and something else Bree couldn't quite catch. Pity, perhaps?

"You were such a good child, Bree. Maybe even too well-behaved for your own good, I guess. Always taking care of everything, yet it never reached that obsessive level until you married Rex. From then on you were constantly striving for greatness even when you already had it all laid out before your eyes. I never really knew what it was that you were looking for and seeing you now I can tell you still haven't found it. What are you trying to achieve by all your hard efforts?"

"Hard?" Bree felt frustrated and chose to let it show since no alive person would be there to hear her inner thoughts.

"It's not hard! People don't understand how little effort it actually takes to keep a home beautiful. All you have to do is set a goal for each day and work for it. But they get so distracted and restless by everything that happens around them, no wonder they, and you, may I mention, find I go overboard. I wish they could see how simple life is, and even if they can't then at least respect me for what I do for them. That's all I ask, nothing more."

Mary nodded knowingly at her. "Well then, you should get ready to appear at our old house as aunt Gale. You'll have more time for this task. And remember, try to act the way an aunt would. And don't you dare try to save me."

"But how much time…?"

And so Bree found herself surrounded by her relatives enjoying their Christmas Eve. Everyone had just eaten and they had gathered around the house into small groups chatting about work and their neighbors.

"Not much has changed." Bree thought to herself. Then she looked in the mirror but did not recognize the aunt Gale she was supposed to be. Maybe she didn't know her very well. The woman had dressed very casually. Her messy hair and loose flower power shirt reminded Bree of Danielle a bit. She decided to avoid mirrors as much as she could while she was in the house. And then she saw herself. The Child Bree had red hair and fair skin, much lighter than Bree remembered. She walked around the house in her neatly flowing velvet green dress not really talking to anyone but very observant, her eyes focused on everything she passed. It was as if she was trying to find something to fix or someone to serve. With no other children being present at their home it was clear she was trying hard to entertain herself.

Try as she might Bree could not remember anything about the moments prior to the accident. It was as if this whole different world, a life she couldn't quite grasp anymore, was a scene in a movie right before something life-altering happens. What would her life be like now had this night never happened? There were so many lessons her mother had yet to teach her. Sometimes in her darker days she would stay up as late as her friend Jasper & Tate allowed and wonder if some of her struggles could have been avoided had she been given more guidance, though the wine would soon cloud her thoughts and she would slip into that peaceful state of mind before the answers could ever come to her.

They wouldn't come to her now either. She saw her mother leave the house with the neighbors' presents while no one was looking. She had that talent of completing hundreds of tasks in what only seemed like seconds to everyone else. No one ever paid much attention to it for that was how they had grown to know her. Even Bree had barely noticed her herself.

It would happen soon and all she wanted to do was hide somewhere, a peaceful place where she could possibly fold laundry and sip wine for all eternity. The thought relaxed her a bit until the screeching sound outside shot her back to reality.

People started rushing out, some grapping their coats on the way. Bree heard her father call out his wife's name and a friend of his stormed back in to call an ambulance. Everything was starting to come back to her, yet nothing felt as scary as back then. In fact she was surprised by how little it all affected her now. Maybe reality is never as frightening as the expectations make it out to be.

Her younger self had already heard what happened and with no shoes nor a coat on she glided through the open doorway, almost like a ghost. What would happen next? For a moment she had forgotten all about her task and in the back of her mind she wondered if changing the past would do any good in the end. These things just happen, don't they? And people live on, except Orson might not. The thought of him lying in a hospital as a result of her selfish actions was enough to put her mind back on the task. What could it be? Bree pondered on this but her memories were vague and distorted due to decades of intense suppression. While her mind was racing she had followed the child Bree outside keeping enough distance between them to avoid participating in anything for fear she might reveal too much. Her mother's body must have been lying near the pavement but Bree couldn't see anything but the wall of people and for that she was thankful. A tall blond woman dressed in a rose colored tweed jacket and skirt turned around shaking uncontrollably and immediately went off at the child still moving closer.

"What are you doing? Do you want to watch Mary die, do you? Get back in and stay there!"

It took all her willpower not to step in and slap some sense into the hysterical woman. In fact Bree would have liked nothing more than to get rid of every unnecessary spectator and lay her mother in some dignified position before the ambulance got there. For she was going to die anyway and she could not be very comfortable being slammed to the street with the speed the car had hit her with. But Bree would stay in character, nothing was more important. After all she definitely didn't want to make the future worse.

The child slowly retreated back into the house and the ambulance arrived shortly after. Bree had never seen things from this side before and figuring it was for the best she decided to go back in herself too.

What she had always remembered most clearly about this night was when everyone had left for the hospital and all she could do was stare at the street outside feeling more powerless than she ever had before. No one had told her anything and though the world seemed unchanged to the eye, nothing was quite the same. She needed to do something, to feel she had a purpose in all this. And that was when she had gone outside, grabbed the hose and cleaned up all the blood from the street. It had been so dark outside and she could barely see the mess but to Bree it represented everything that was wrong in the world at that moment and she would have no peace until the street was clean again.

However, as the memories came back to her, she could not remember anyone else being in the house with her before she went outside to complete her final task for her mother. Maybe this was it? She had to stop the child.

"Bree?"It felt strange to call out her own name and to know that she was actually talking to herself in a clear state of mind. The words echoed as if she was in a haunted house and in a way she was.

The child who had been staring out of the window in silence turned around, not really looking at Bree. Her expression was hallow and in a way it reminded Bree of death and the tranquility that always surrounded the body of whoever had left her behind. To her there was eerie beauty in that moment when one's life had run its full course and when all the necessary errands had been run. It always gave her such relief to place a beautiful flower arrangement on the grave in the midst of all the sorrow.

She sat down, crossed her hands at her lap and gave the child her most compassionate look that was born, mostly out of years of rehearsing but also the sadness that never quite seemed to let her go.

"I am so terribly sorry this is happening to you, I really am. I…" Bree looked down her mind frantically trying to come up with the next line but the words would not come out. She wanted to tell her younger self how things got better for her, and they did, until they got a whole lot worse. Suddenly she saw no purpose in taking the conversation further. The child however did.

"She died?"

"I'm pretty sure she did."

"But she was just here."

"I know."

Bree studied the child's face and found herself once again powerless when she saw terror flash in her eyes. She followed the child's gaze and they both found themselves staring out of the window in silence. Suddenly Bree had an idea.

"Someone should clean up that mess. Will you help me?"

Bree saw the child's eyes light up a bit.

"Yes…" The anticipation grew in her voice. "Yes, we should do it."

Bree smiled satisfied and gently took the child's hand as she led her outside. It seemed the air had got colder in that short amount of time and everything looked darker. Bree fought the urge to do everything by herself.

"Can you get me the hose, please?"

The child rushed to the equipment as if her life depended on it and once she had handed it over to Bree they turned on the water together. It was the first time Bree had felt at ease on the street that day. With rapid, yet smooth movements she quickly flushed away all the blood while the child looked up at her in curious admiration. Once she was done she already knew how the story would play out.

"Now", she started as she rolled up the hose in the same manner she did whenever she had just finished watering the flowers in her yard." I know this is hard for you but I need you to promise me something."

The child looked surprised as she took the rolled up hose from her.

"What is it?"

Bree wanted to kneel down to meet the girl at eye level. There was however no spot that could leave her borrowed outfit unstained and so she brushed imaginative dirt off her loose skirt and settled for an awkward half-crouch.

"When the time comes you will want to talk about what happened tonight. It may seem hard at first, to find the right words and it may even take more strength to say them out loud. But you will need to do that. It's the only way you can learn to live, to survive this. So please, promise me you'll try."

The child didn't look any less confused but nodded after some hesitation. Bree figured she might need more reassurance.

"It takes a great deal of strength to live through something like this." Bree realized she was already finding it hard to practice what she preached as she danced around the subject referring to her mother's death as "something" but she continued nevertheless.

"I know you have it in you, and God does too. Because you were born strong and you will remain so no matter what happens."

Her finely outlined speech was beginning to suffer from the cracks in her voice and so she stood up. At that moment everything went black again and the last thing she saw was the small hint of realization in the little girl's gaze.


	4. Pray to God He Hears You

_Thanks again for the lovely reviews! It took me a little longer to update as I had the rest of the story pretty much unwritten. I'm hoping to finish the last chapter after my exams this month. Oh and I've updated the story summary for the timeframe, I completely forgot to mention that. Most of this chapter takes place in 4x17 with some alterations._

"I really wish you wouldn't look so absolutely terrified to see me each time, Bree."

"I'm sorry. I suppose finding my mother back from the dead twice in one day is starting to make me just a tiny bit uncomfortable." Bree looked down at herself and was relieved to see she was back in her own classy attire. To say she had been feeling out of control would be an understatement as she had been ripped off everything except her own mind and even that was being controlled to some extent by someone else.

Mary ignored her sarcastic comment and continued. "So how do you think you did, Bree?"

"I keep hoping you would tell me, mother. Would you please give me a clue, or something? Anything!"

"As I've already told you, that is just not possible. Not unless you never want your husband to wake up again." Mary looked thoughtful and then gave the impression a thought had just occurred to her. "You do wish that, right?"

"Well of course I do! Why else would I go through all this. I could never look at myself again knowing I caused this to happen. And if Orson dies, then I might as well be dead too."

"Now there it is again. It's all about you, isn't it? Instead of actually wanting to save him it's your soul you are protecting. For all I know, if you could be sure of gaining God's eternal love you'd let everyone else burn in hell."

"How can you say that? I love Orson and after all these years you've been watching over, or should I say stalking me, you must know at least that. And yes, I've made my fair share of mistakes when it comes to how I've treated him but all I ever did before that was love and respect him and he only punished me for it." Bree was struggling to keep her voice low and threw her hands in the air in frustration."Just like everyone else!"

"So how many people exactly do you have it in for, Bree?" Mary tilted her head looking curious.

"Oh for God's sake will we just get this over and done with?" She hissed and clenched her fists. Then with a piercing gaze she went on."And about protecting my soul, Orson is my soul mate and he will always be. So if he dies my soul will be ripped apart, and I do not wish for that to happen. And if you choose to believe that makes me sinful then so be it."

Mary looked at her meaningfully and then put her hands together in sudden excitement.

"Well then,off to the last stop we go!"

"Good, I'm getting tired of this." Bree rolled her eyes and followed as Mary took the lead for one last time.

No words were exchanged and soon the surroundings blurred and morphed into a familiar scene. It was Bob and Lee's wedding Bree had been forced to cater without Katherine's help. Instead she had Lynette, Susan and Gabrielle, a sweet and helpful bunch, although completely useless in crises that involved food and planning in general. She quickly forced her mind on matters of even greater importance on that day.

Katherine's ex-husband had had her at gunpoint, her current husband had showed up in an awful bloody mess driving his car into what could have been a perfectly planned and executed wedding and then Katherine had shot the first guy. And then all the girls had given the police a story that wasn't very far from the truth. Yet there was still something that had left a bigger mark on her. That's right, Orson had come to her help when she had needed it the most. Yet his intentions were probably more about trying to win her back than actually wanting to make her feel better. He had known how important it had been to her to make that wedding a success and so he was there every step of the way without her knowing, waiting for something to go wrong. And of course something did go wrong and he was there to save her when her car broke down at the unfortunate moment when she had an ice sculpture in the passenger's seat.

He had made it clear he would never give her up and Bree had told him once more that no future between them could ever exist unless he went to jail first for what he did to Mike. As firm as she had been the day he left to serve his time she was already regretting giving him that ultimatum. During the lonely years that followed was when she had first started to have doubts about her decision. Sometimes she would think what she should have done was to give him up completely. Why couldn't she have told him it was over and he should go live his life as he pleased. Maybe deep down it was her way of letting him down gently by telling him he still had a chance. She never believed he would actually go that far, spend three years in jail for her.

"For God's sake Susan, come here! We have to get this set before Bree sees how far behind we are. She's already back with the ice sculpture!" Bree heard Lynette yelling but she couldn't see Susan anywhere. Then it slowly started to dawn on her. She looked down at her slightly bruised knees and there was no mistaking, she was Susan.

"Oh no." It shouldn't have been. How in the world was she going to pull this off, and to Lynette of all people. She was the most insightful out of all her friends and fooling her this way seemed pretty much impossible. She had no idea how much time she had and everything was closer to falling apart than actually coming together. None of her doubts mattered though, she needed to master this and one way or another she would make it work. All it took was careful re-consideration before each time she spoke.

"Umm…yeah…I'll be right there." Her own confusion actually seemed to help getting into Susan's mindset. She made her way to the table where Lynette was filling water glasses, the task she had given her before she went on that eventful road trip.

"You're still in the middle of that?" It was only when the words had come out too loud in her shocked tone that Bree realized she had made her first mistake. Lynette didn't seem to notice or even get mildly stressed out after her outburst.

"So? All I've seen you do is place a fork here and there and trip over the cable. Although now that I think of it, and I don't mean to go all Bree on you but it might be for the best if you steer clear of anything that's already been set."

"Right…" Bree appreciated Lynette's efforts to protect the table arrangements but desperately needed a clue as to where to go from there.

"I just don't know what to do with the rest of these glasses. Should I fill them all up or..?" Lynette was mumbling to no one in particular.

"Orson is here!" Bree hoped mentioning it would somehow set everything into motion.

"You're right. What is he doing there with Bree? Have they made up or something?" Lynette sounded curious.

"I doubt it." Bree tried her best to keep the certainty out of her tone. Lynette looked at her and then quickly back at the couple.

"Yeah I hope so. Not that I'd have a problem with him personally but he did try to murder your husband and all. I wouldn't be surprised if you still held that against him."

Then it hit her. So that was why she had to be Susan. The plan was already coming together in her mind, and best of all, being Susan really helped execute it.

"That's true. In fact I'm going there right now to give them a piece of my mind!"

"Oh. Well good luck with that." Somehow Lynette didn't look surprised in the slightest. Bree found it fascinating how extreme her behavior could be as Susan and yet everyone would go about as normal. She turned around to march up to Bree and Orson while Lynette went back to being confused about her task. Soon enough all the clarity faded away and she felt lost again. She wasn't even sure if she was heading for the right direction but it was the only one she had so it was an easy choice to make.

"Bree, can I talk to you for a second?" She tried to pull off the sharp, yet shaky tone Susan would use when she was thoroughly annoyed about something. It was hard for her to tell if it sounded right and the magnitude of what she was doing hit her harder when her old self looked up at her. She had chills and certainly didn't have to fake the shakiness anymore. Orson only looked at her briefly and she expected to see sympathy or remorse but neither emotion could be seen in his eyes and it gave her the creeps.

"Yes, sure Susan." Her old self nodded at her and turned to talk to Orson. Bree watched them even more closely.

"I have to go now. I have this wedding to take care of." It didn't sound like she cared for it as much as before. It felt more like an excuse and it didn't go unnoticed by Orson either. He clearly wanted to continue their talk but instead of pushing her he simply said goodbye with a convincing smile and left.

Bree sat down next to her old self and decided to get to the point right away as she had no idea how much time she had been given.

"What's the deal with you and Orson? Are you going to take him back?"

She received a wistful smile in return. "I can't."

"It's still because of Mike, isn't it?"

"Yes, that is his only sin but I'm afraid it's too great. I can't forgive him until he makes amends."

"So if he went to the police you would take him back?"

"I would. And I know what you are thinking Susan, what he did was wrong but it can't be undone. And the truth is, I could search for the rest of my life but I will never do better than him. I have to forgive him and this is the only way."

"Why do you think he is the one?" Bree was keen to know the answer because she could not remember her thoughts around this time anymore. Too much had happened.

"Because…he is the only man who hasn't made me feel inadequate. I mean, look at me Susan, what do I have to give myself credit for? I have failed every aspect of my life apart from my home. Making my house a home is the only thing I ever succeeded at. But Orson thinks that's wonderful. When I'm with him he makes me feel I've accomplished so much more. He tells me this is enough and there is no greater relief in the world for me than to know that what I have is enough. For that alone I am willing to forgive him."

"So basically, he wants to be your world and you let him be just that?"

Her old self smiled, a little less sad this time.

"Exactly, Susan."

It was getting harder to stay in character as she tried to make sense of everything she'd heard. She needed to push this further.

"Bree, why would you think that? You have your catering business to a good start. That is not a failure!"

"True, I do have that." She sighed. "I suppose I'm just afraid it might end in some horrible tragedy like everything else I've tried to make a success. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth trying."

"So what you are saying is you'd rather be with Orson than try to live your life?"

She looked amused. "Susan, you have a curious way of putting everything I say into such miserable context. I would be perfectly happy with Orson, that is the only thing I'm sure of so why not reach for that instead of some long lost dream?"

"Because I know you can make that dream a reality. But if Orson doesn't want you to have dreams…"

She shook her head and spoke with an anger she tried hard to restrain. "Susan, you clearly know nothing about my marriage so please, just give it a rest will you?"

With that she got up as gracefully as she could in the mud stained dress she was still wearing and flipped her hair as if it would magically fall back into place by sheer willpower. Then she walked away and Bree hoped nothing she had said would shake the balance of the universe enough to cause Katherine getting shot by her ex-husband later that day.

As she turned around to take a long look at her friends who were wandering around not knowing what to do, as there was no one in charge of the party anymore, she noticed Orson at the back of the crowd of people. Figuring she still had time she made her way back to him. He looked a little happier seeing her this time.

"Susan, did you happen to see where Bree went? There is something I need to discuss with her."

Bree knew it was hopeless but she gave it a shot. "You can tell me and I'll let her know when I find her."

Orson sneered. "It's nothing of that much importance."

It was strange seeing Orson like that. He had never looked at her with so little interest and while Bree knew it was because he only saw Susan at that moment it still didn't feel right to have him gaze at her in such cold manner, as if she didn't matter. From the moment she had met him his eyes would fill with admiration whenever he watched her. This was different, it was almost as if he was a different human being.

There was still time and Bree decided to make use of Susan's naivety and cast in a few hooks. "You should know, she'll never take you back."

Orson looked amused for a second but then went back to his serious self. "She will. We have the rest of our lives to make it work."

"That's a long time to fight for something you can never be sure of."

"That's the thing Susan." Orson looked determined. "Bree is the one person you can count on in that aspect. If you do everything right she will never leave. She holds the balance of the world and if you give her that same balance in return she will be there for the rest of your life. So when I make things right, it's done. Nothing can ever tear us apart."

Bree was surprised. "You've already decided you're going to jail?"

"I decided the moment she left. I wanted to fight it a little longer because I wasn't ready to leave her, but yes, I always knew it would one day come to this."

"But don't you think spending all those years in jail would just make you bitter and eventually ruin everything?"

"Well Bree and I, we live by certain rules and we respect each other for that. It's something you rarely find in life. There could only be bitterness if I didn't win her back in the end but I know she will never fail me and deep down I'm certain she thinks the same of me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"She has never given me a reason to doubt her and with Bree things will never change. She will stay the same regardless of what happens around her. It's her principles, they make her who she is and if you figure that out, well then you'll have her forever if you want to."

Bree wondered if everyone thought she was so easy to control. Was this how every man she had ever known saw her? If it was then she definitely needed to change.

One last try.

"I can understand where you are coming from but it still seems a bit extreme. Is she really worth all that trouble?"

Orson laughed. "And I thought you two were friends, on some level at least."

"We are, I'm just trying to protect her."

"Well then, hear me Susan." Orson moved a little closer as if to share one of his darkest secrets. "You'll never find anyone who cares for Bree as much as I do. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her, absolutely nothing."

With that he smiled sweetly and left and Bree finally knew he could walk away a million times but never be really gone. How could a love like that ever be shaken away if it had determined to stay until the bitter end?


	5. Drive Until You Lose the Road

_Well it's been a while but I finally got this done! Thanks to all those who have reviewed, it's been an interesting journey to write a full story like this._

"Well then, here we are."

Bree crossed her hands softly as she spoke to her mother. A wave of guilt flushed through her entire body but she held herself as elegantly as she could while she waited to know how she had done. It was a test like no other because for once she had not prepared nor did she know the right answers.

"So you don't have anything to say about what just happened?" Mary was surprised Bree didn't give anything away as she had done with the previous tasks.

"Nothing at all." Bree shook her head with pride, although it was not the emotion she felt at that moment.

"Very well. We'll just have to see how you did as the events unfold."

"What do you mean?" Bree did not like the sound of that. She had waited long enough.

"I'm sending you back to a time shortly before the accident happened. Then you can make the decisions yourself and whatever will be, will be."

"But that's easy! Surely I won't run over Orson again, not after all this."

"Well I guess you are all set then." Mary smiled fondly.

"I am, just send me back and I'll put everything back to normal. Although, I don't quite understand why I had to go through all the tasks if you could have simply sent me back right away." Bree's voice was stern as she felt she was quickly re-gaining control and once the initiative had been taken it was easy to build from there.

"You still don't understand, do you Bree? You are going back to a time before any of this happened. Therefore your actions will only be defined by what you know then, not by what you know now."

"I will forget everything?"

As lightly as Bree spoke the words she couldn't stop the color draining from her face.

"Your mask is slipping, Bree."

She ignored her mother's comment, a reference to a time when one of them still led a simple life that misery had not taken over.

"It's fine." She could barely get the words out as she sighed through her clenched teeth. "It will work."

Mary looked at her suddenly worried and this added to the weight Bree felt on herself already. She was powerless which frustrated her all the more.

"Will we just go already?" Her façade was falling apart piece by piece and she was painfully aware of the tears that were fighting their way out. It was not the time or the place.

Mary stepped towards her and Bree turned around to lead the way expecting to vanish at any second. This however, did not happen.

"Bree, wait! There is one more thing you should know."

Suddenly very aware that it would not be anything good she turned around to look at Mary with no expression.

"If you succeed your days will be numbered." Mary stepped back looking slightly scared for the first time.

It was like the car crash all over again. Except for the shaking. This time she was perfectly still and didn't even feel any emotions worth suppressing.

"What a fine way to tell me I will be dead soon."

"I'm sorry, Bree."

"Is there any particular reason you waited until this moment to tell me that?" To her own surprise Bree managed to keep the anger out of her voice and her entire appearance was calm.

"I didn't think you were ready then to make the right decision for yourself. And I know how much it would have tormented you had you picked the wrong way to go."

Bree looked away not letting her mother read her. She didn't deserve to know anything more than she already did.

"I think you know the right way to go now, don't you?"

Bree slowly drew her eyes back to Mary and then whispered the words as if it was her very last breath.

"I do."

There was one thing Rex Van De Kamp, George Williams, Orson Hodge and Karl Mayer all had in common, none of them could ever go back to life as normal after the effect Bree had had on them. She came out of nowhere and as far as anyone could tell any other woman would pale in comparison, in every single aspect. Once won, her heart was a prize to be valued and giving up the trophy just was not an option.

Rex was willing to let her go but when the time came he could not envision life without her. He realized she had grown into him and no one else could give him the sense of home the way she did. It soon became apparent it was impossible to shake her off so why even bother trying? Rex had decided to stop forcing her to change things for they were as good as they were ever going to get and when he saw his friends' marriages fall apart he knew he had made the right decision. She would never let him go and it was the strongest basis for marriage one could hope for.

For years George Williams had been waiting for things to change, to have that tiny crack of opportunity where he could squeeze in and make her his. With a woman like Bree you would only need to catch her once and she would stand beside you for life. To his misfortune such a moment would never occur for his time ran short 18 years into Bree and Rex's marriage. As he lay dying on the side of Wisteria Lane he glanced over at the Van de Kamps' residence one more time and the last person he ever saw was Rex Van de Kamp rushing over to him all the while pushing his distraught wife back trying to stop her from seeing the victim of the hit and run accident.

From the moment Orson Hodge had seen the pharmacist he knew he was trouble. He was everywhere Bree Van de Kamp was. A casual onlooker would think of it as a friendly encounter but for Orson it was anything but. Be it a grocery store, the park or close proximity of the school her children went to George Williams was often seen exchanging niceties with Bree. She was ever so courteous and clearly enjoyed these little moments. Orson however knew the man's true intentions and he was never going to let him get closer than he already had. As he examined the blood stained hood of his red Chevrolet Malibu he smiled contently figuring he was one step closer to getting everything he had ever wanted.

There were three things Karl Mayer understood completely, fine whiskey, marital law and women. The latter often had the misconception he did not understand them at all but it was all part of his plan. Whether they were lively college girls, newly widowed or still married he always had enough tricks up his sleeve to complete the mission. As he grew older the once thrilling challenges became tiring and so he looked for conquests in places he never would have considered before. Bree Van de Kamp was a woman of mystery and the prospect of having her surrender to him after all this time excited him beyond belief. No one knew how her first husband had died. She had kept it quiet for years but according to popular gossip the man had finally had enough of the abusive ice queen and hanged himself after taking a heavy dose of pills. Karl had no doubts this could very well be true but it did not bother him. The man was clearly troubled should he decide to end his life instead of just simply moving on.

So when Bree came to him asking for his help in getting a divorce from Orson Karl knew his time had finally come. When she told him about how she had been blackmailed a small part of him wondered if her stories were really true to that extent, a slightly bigger part of him didn't even care but what most of his attention was focused on was how perfectly her white skirt suit hugged her figure. Every time he looked down at his notes he would take a hardly noticeable peek at her long legs that were elegantly crossed. Unlike most of his conquests she would not shy away from his gaze. Instead she returned it with so much intensity he found it a sheer miracle he managed to restrain himself at her presence. After what seemed like an eternity he finally figured her out and it didn't come as a shock to him how easy it had been. He gave her hope he could rescue her, complimented her on everything she had achieved in life and left no part of her body untouched when she gave in and let him have his way with her.

Bree's mind never gave her a rest. When Rex used to move on top of her starting to remove the fabric that separated them she would often think of all the things she should be doing instead, the next day's shopping list running through her mind as top priority. She never felt close enough but at the same time not distant enough either to completely let go and not care if he didn't look as pleasured as he could have been. It bothered her she had shared things with him that she had never told anyone and yet after 18 years he was clearly keeping his soul hidden from her. There was no one else for her and it killed her to know that the love of her life would always be just a little out of her reach. There was always that moment of hope when she would feel all his weight over her and see the excitement in his eyes as he pushed her down upon finding his release. In those short seconds Bree would think she could hold on to that moment forever. But as always, soon it was over and she would realize once more that it could never be.

Now it was different, not perfect but it was everything she wanted at that moment. It surprised her that even though she was cheating on her husband she felt less guilt than she did while being faithful to Rex. The constant fear of failing had kept her on her toes for so long but now there was no need for any of that. She didn't feel anything for Karl and the role she was playing gave her such a thrill she couldn't understand why she had not tried it sooner. How wonderful it was to live life with such carelessness. Suddenly everything looked clearer than ever before and she held grudge towards anyone who had ever tried to hold her down. The sudden movement made her slip up and call his name out loud and she was grateful for his mouth that muffled the sound. Who knew how thin the walls were. She threw her head back and enjoyed the way his hands tightened their grip and then slowly let go as he crashed down onto the bed. It had been so long since she had last felt such ecstasy and she could not get enough.

She was the first to leave the motel to attract as little attention as possible. Not that it mattered if they were caught together, her presence at the premises so often was suspicious enough. After a while she had simply stopped caring and would park her car near the building not even bothering to disguise herself in any way. One thing did bother her though. It was the strange déjà vu feeling of that very day and the dream she had had the night before. In her dream she had gotten into a horrible fight with Orson and had driven to a bar on the other side of Fairview. She had been furious at him for blackmailing her into staying married to him and it had made her wonder why she had ever given up drinking in the first place. To top it off she could not believe she had once felt ashamed to even admit her slip-ups to him, to a man like that. He was not better than her in the end.

She winced as the remembered seeing his figure at the side of the road and crashing into him. It was almost as if it had happened for real. It reminded her of something that occurred almost a decade earlier. She had felt rage like that when Rex had announced his plans to divorce her and she had wanted to get revenge for all the times he had insulted her and taken her for granted. But then a little voice inside her head told her to let go of the anger and put it into words instead. And that was what she did. The change did not happen overnight but eventually they managed to work things out and they got closer to the bliss their relationship had once been.

All this changed two years later when she had come home one night to find his lifeless body hanging from the garage ceiling. People would tell her later it was not her fault, that some things you just can't predict and therefore it's impossible to stop them. The incident however would never make sense to her. It didn't back then and it still troubled her every other day. She had gone through the events of that day a hundred times but the blanks could not be filled. The cause of death stated he had taken a massive dose of painkillers and then apparently decided to finish it off with plan B. No one took her doubts seriously, it was as if everyone including the cops assumed living with Bree Van de Kamp would eventually lead to suicide.

She was holding the wheel now desperately trying to stop the tears. It was ridiculous to still be crying over it. No one had brought up the subject in years and it seemed the only place the horrors of that day existed was in her own head. Orson had been so supportive. He had come to talk to her while she was trying to take her mind of things by gardening. He had told her how his first wife had killed herself and she was eager to share her pain with someone who understood. It was such luck he happened to find her just then. As time went on and they got married he got less and less interested in hearing about Rex and he never mentioned his wife anymore. It was as if he had decided to move on and simply forget about the life before but for Bree it was more difficult. That was when she decided it was time to put the mask back on once more and somehow learn to live suppressing her feelings again. She had come to accept that a truly happy ending was not meant for her but she could make the most of what she had.

With a sigh she started the engine all the energy having drained out of her. Being in bed with Karl seemed a long time ago now. It was an early evening but the scene was dark, almost too dark for that time of the year. She hoped it would not take long for her to get home as she was getting scared she might hit something. There was that feeling of déjà vu again, the further she drove the stronger it got. It was as if the wind was blowing in her face but the windows were all closed.

"Stop!"

The voice was clearly coming from inside her head and it made her jump off her seat a little. She almost lost control of the vehicle but at the last minute she managed to stop it in the middle of the road. She breathed a sigh of relief as she sat shaking on her seat.

"What was that?" The words escaped her lips as she slowly looked around. She then realized the danger of having her car parked in darkness in the middle of the road and quickly re-started the engine. The rest of the journey she clutched onto the wheel as if her life depended on it and she could only feel truly relieved when she saw the driveway to her house. The feeling of déjà vu had passed after the near crash but it was suddenly getting stronger again. This made her feel very uneasy and she was hesitant to open the garage door due to the bad memories that now haunted her again. Instead she chose to leave her car in the driveway and headed straight inside.

Bree flicked the lights on and the first thing she saw was an envelope with the name "Bree" calligraphed on it. It was on the table in the hallway and she quickly took the letter out as the envelope was left open. She was all too prepared for what she was about to read.

_Dear Bree,_

_first of all you have to understand that I love you more than you could ever imagine. It is not for you to blame yourself for what I am about to tell you. The sins were all mine and I have come to understand that now. Nothing I do will ever make up for what has been done in the past. You see, there are no coincidences when it comes to our story. I loved you in a time when you didn't even know my name and I stopped at nothing to make you mine. If you look back you will understand what I mean. I am sorry for my action as I know now that guilt is not a small price to pay for happiness. It eats you up until you can see no way out. Therefore I have decided to end my days in room 217 at the motel on 13th Street. Your beautiful home will not be tainted by my presence anymore. I hope for your sake you will find happiness as I can not think of anyone more deserving of it than you Bree, my sole purpose of existence and the love of my life._

_May we meet again one day._

_Orson_

"It was a happy ending after all." Mary smiled as she closed the window on her daughter's past knowing she still had years and years to go.


End file.
